She died today. Another one gone, given up on breathing.
She never did say goodbye, not to us at least. We waited as death did, somewhat impatiently. But a response never came. At least she heard our farewells and gained comfort so we were told.
Then the announcement, an R.I.P next to her name. Shock. We knew it would come but not so soon. It always comes too soon, except when it doesn’t.
She died in her sleep, there was no waking her. Was she dreaming I wonder and will she remain so forever.
Death. We are all aware of it, it comes forewarned. It is the unavoidable shadow, the inescapable silhouette. We know that one day, all of our lights will be snuffed out.
It is the unseen scuttle of a mouse stealthily hugging the skirting board. We know it is there watching and waiting, we sense its presence. It is the third hand on a clock face, Tick Tock Tick, Tick Tock….( ) Nothing.
We’ve had moments when fear gripped us suddenly like a strangers hand as we faced the possibility of losing someone we love. We know it’s coming for us all and yet we force that bitter thought from our minds until solemnly, it knocks on our door once more.
In search of optimism, we scour for good in the deceased and if we have any sense at all we add a little more to ourselves in their absence. There is that expression about living each day as if it were your last, but who can be arsed with that? it sounds exhausting not to mention pretty morbid. Besides some of my most unproductive days have been the most pleasurable so I’m not going to rush about attempting to live ‘life to the full’ My favourite moments are those in between ones and definitely involve napping, staring thoughtfully into space, stroking a cat, humming a song while waiting for the kettle to boil and watching droplets of water race down a window pane . I’m not sure there is a good motto for life, so I shan’t try to foist one on you.
I doubt very much we will be judged by anyone but our peers after we die and even they will tend to look at us with kinder, more forgiving eyes after we have passed. But you and I, us fuckers here, lucky enough to still be breathing, we are life and we are more powerful than we realise. We can make or break someones day today.